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Challenge: Romance After Kids

Bring Back That Lovin' Feeling

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love with intention

I’m bringing back that lovin’ feeling. And, it’s coming for a long visit. I'm going to do some prioritizing and put this love train back on the tracks.

Being a wife isn’t easy for me.

It’s not natural for me to wait by the door with a smile at the end of the day, ready to greet my man with a Pinterest-worthy meal and a kiss.

I need to remind myself everyday to be a better wife. But, too many nights I lie in bed in my pink plaid jammy bottoms and raggedy red camisole thinking, “I’ve really got to up my wife game.” Then I doze off.

Loving my man well isn’t going to happen by accident. I have to be intentional.

If I’m not thinking about it, my PDA (public display of affection) won’t go beyond holding hands in church on Sunday. I’m serious. Keeping a marriage healthy is all about the “deets.” Those little details we commit to every day to encourage and love each other.

A few years ago, I decided to step up my wife game. I tried the Love Dare. The 40-day challenge for practicing unconditional love. I failed.

I wanted to shower him with so much love and affection that at the end of those 40 days, I’d be that wife. You know the one. I wasn’t. Life interfered.

I adore my husband. In fact, I'm crazy about him.

But, I’m naturally selfish. And I’m prideful. And I’m not always thinking about him, especially when there’s a lot going on. When our kids were little, I was busy. I was tired. And sometimes, I had no interest in giving or receiving affection. I was usually a grump by the end of the day.

The kids aren’t little anymore. I’m still selfish. I’m still prideful. Busy. Not as exhausted. Still grumpy sometimes. But not oozing with affection. Not oozing with delight. It’s just not that easy for me with all life’s distractions.

Before we married, I never had trouble being affectionate. We talked on the phone for hours. I surprised him. I held his hand. So, what’s the problem now? Marriage cooled to a simmer after years and kids.

Honestly, who fails the Love Dare? I gave up at about Day 14.

The first 14 days stretched out over 30, partly because of his heavy travel schedule. Partly because of my lack of commitment. I’d lose patience when he was gone three or four days in a week. I’d forget where I was supposed to be in the plan.

Here’s the embarrassing part: After “14 days” of gifts, compliments, and sweet nothings, my husband was worried about me. He said I was acting strange. How sad is that?

I need to re-examine who I need to be in his life. I need to focus more on him and less on stuff. If all these years of marriage have taught me anything, it’s that being a good wife won’t come naturally. I have to work at it.

It might not be easy for you either.

Maybe you’re like me. You have the best intentions, but you get distracted. Knowing I love him is not enough. I need to show him I love him and that our marriage is a priority.

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