Lately I've been seeing posts in my social media feeds about getting stuck on the wheel of comparisons, and I'd be lying if said I I haven't been riding that same lame train lately. You see, I'm dealing with some envy these days. Ugly, distracting, no good envy.
Envy. What an unattractive quality. What a waste of brain power. What a huge energy drainer. What a drag.
But be all that as it may, it still exists and it's exhausting. Envy has entered my life like a viking going into battle. It pushed its way into my serene mind after months of being away. I should have known it would return, it always does.
Envy is making me wonder why I'm not like those picture perfect moms making picture perfect cookies or taking picture perfect trips with their picture perfect families.
It's also attacking me as a writer, or as envy would have me believe, a "writer".
It's whispering things like "see, she can do it" or "why haven't you don't that yet?" or "look at where they are now". It's paying no mind to my own journey - the only one that should matter - and it's clouding my judgment.
I'm no Carol Brady, I know that, but I do go on adventures and bake with my son. I'm no famous well-known writer, I know that, but I have been published in both a book and online sites.
And why are these justifications necessary anyway? I don't have to answer to anyone - except of course when envy demands it, plaguing my mind and soul.
But there's a safe place, in the back of my mind, that reminds me who I am and how far I've come. That safe place comes to my rescue with a cape and shield when thoughts become too overwhelming and unbearable. It bangs its gong, snapping me out of the fog I get stuck in, and chases envy away.
I know I'm good enough but that pesky disheartening voice invades my mind, craving validation from moms, writers, and pretty much the general public.
Look, I know I have an ugly fault. I know none of what it tells me is true. Envy tries to hide itself amongst my thoughts, but it's always clear who's feeding me the lies. It can attack - as it often does - but it can't win. Not now or ever.
I am at war but the trick is on envy. I've got a whole support network while envy only has it's lame little self.
This piece originally appeared on Facebook: The Antsy Butterfly