Everyone tells you how brave and strong you are after losing your child because you talk about it, but the truth is.. what other choice do we have? To stay a crumbling crying mess for the rest of your life..
Our story starts as a whirlwind romance that started online in 2010 where 9 months later we were married in jan 2011, much to our excitement in June 2011 we found out our family was going to grow by one. I am not going to say it was an easy pregnancy but there weren’t any red flags. In feb 2012, At 33 weeks we were given the unexpected and heart breaking, life shattering news that our sons heart had stopped beating, and 8 days later he was still born and silently entered our world. He was a perfect miniature version of his daddy right down to his tiny chin dimple.
While we desperately wanted a family and started trying for another baby after a couple of months it wasn’t going to be so easy, it was 4yrs before we saw another positive pregnancy test and let me tell you I was terrified and I still don’t think I was ready to go through it all again, sadly it didn’t last long and in July 2016 we had an early miscarriage we were devastated and it brought up so many familiar emotions after losing our son Jacob.
In July 2017 we found out we were finally expecting again, we made it to the first scan this time it was a little too early so we had to go back At 9 weeks. Unfortunately we were given the heart breaking news that there was no heart beat and we were sent on our way to simply wait to start miscarrying. I remember we had purchased a new caravan and my husband drove straight to the dealership we picked it up, loaded up in about an hour and took off on a road trip, anything to escape. I still can’t use the bathroom in the van without thinking about one of the worst experiences of my life .. miscarrying our precious baby, the physical pain but how soul shattering it felt to lose yet another precious baby, and while I am grateful it happened at 9 weeks and not at 33 again I cannot say it was easier, all child loss is life shattering and heart breaking.
We are fast approaching our little mans 8th birthday on 24th feb and each year doesn’t get any easier, we just get better at carrying the grief with us.