No matter what you think, being a married mom is nothing like being a single mom. I’m married with two kids and a husband who travels most of the time. I’ve heard other married women in my situation say they feel, “just like a single mom.” And while I get feeling like you are doing it all on your own, feeling like you are doing it on your own is not the same as actually doing it on your own. Being a single mom is hard. Duh.
When my husband is out of town (and even sometimes when he is home), I’m always on. There’s no “Go ask your dad” or “Can you watch the kids while I take a shower?” My only alone time is when they are asleep, if I’m lucky enough for both of them to be asleep at once. And that’s when I’m supposed to sleep. But instead, I spend time working, paying bills, or you know, showering. ( A lot of this could explain my #SlackerMom tendencies…)
And it falls on me to book doctors’ appointments, attend teacher conferences, shuttle kids around, and so on and so on. And yes, it’s tough and not exactly what I had in mind when we decided to have kids. But in no way does that make me like a single mom.
Because even if my husband is oceans away, (this month he’s in Tokyo, Budapest, and a bunch of places I don’t even keep up with) I still have a husband and my kids still have a dad. There is someone else out there in the world who is responsible for these kids. He’s off making a living to support us, but is physically there when it really matters. He shares the emotional load of parenting. He shares the worries about whether our son needs adenoid surgery, the driveway needs resurfacing, or whether our daughter will stop biting. And it’s the emotional load of parenting that I find so very exhausting.
I know I’m very lucky that is off working to support our family. I work too, but just a bit from home. My income could never support our family. If somehow he was out of the picture, our home life would change dramatically. I’ve got mad respect for single moms who support their kids in every way, including financially. (Check out this episode of our web series Slummy Mummy inspired by this situation.)
So yeah, I’m losing my f#cking mind over here while my husband is gone. But I know I’m not alone. So I made this little video as a message from a married mom to single moms.
I see you. We see you. And girl, you are rockin’ it!
Married Mom’s Message to Single Moms | Being a Single Mom is Hard
*Curious as to what my word-traveling husband does? Check out his band, The Hot Sardines. He’s the bandleader and piano player. And his partner, the front-woman, Elizabeth, is one of the baddest badass mamas I know!
We here at MomCave would LOVE to hear your stories as a single mom or a married mom who often feels like she is parenting alone. Get in touch or comment below!