I'm only twenty-five and I've definitely cut out at least as many in my lifetime.
And guess what?
I'm proud of it, and the best part is that my therapist approves!
There is so much toxic energy in this world, that I honestly don't need.
It started in high school. I was bullied, called a slut, and my "friends" often were talking behind my back. In college, the same thing. So, I simply ended the relationships.
You know what happened?
They got mad!
How dare I, stop being their friend? How dare I accuse them of such vile acts? How dare I cut them out when they were just joking?
It was infuriating when they acted like I was the bad guy. Ummm... I'm sorry I don't like my friends calling me a slut? I'm sorry that I don't tell you my every thought? I'm sorry I'm done being treated like shit? Or my favorite...I'm sorry that I don't feel like putting all the effort into a relationship where I never receive any reciprocation.
My advice to you is to really evaluate your friendships, marriages, and relationships with family members, because at the end of the day if you don't protect yourself from negative people, nobody else is.
So, here are my five steps to cut someone out of your life:
- Make a pro and con list. It may seem obvious or silly but it really works. Something about writing down your list of reasons to keep a friend or kick em' to the curve, really just helps wrap your brain around everything.
- Don't be quick to make the cut. Take your time. Let it percolate like a good cup of Joe because once you make the snip, it's gonna be difficult AF to put it back together.
- Realize that its a solo mission. Don't expect others to cut Susie out of your lives just because you did. Realize those family gatherings, birthday parties, etc are going to be awkward.
- Make a game plan for when you inevitably see them. Are you going to ignore them? Be polite but distant? Whatever it is, commit, and do not be rude or start a scene. That will not help anyone.
- Be polite, but firm. Now's the time to cut the cord. Decide whether or not your going to explain yourself or just give them a simple "I need some space." But, whatever you choose, be firm! Do not give in, do not pass go, do not engage in any arguments.
If the relationship is meant to be, you will work through the problems, but for now, maybe you both need some space to get in the right headspace.
Heck, it may take years to get in the right headspace...but you're not going to fix any problem by letting it escalate.
The hardest relationship I ever had to end, was with my brother. His problems started affecting my family and I really had a tough decision to make. It isn't easy to cut people out that you love, but just remember that you can't help anyone else unless you protect yourself and your family first.