1. Decide to make a change
For the most part, majority of fathers are aware of the many things that aren’t exactly good for us, but that doesn’t mean we do anything about them. For example, sugar; I take it you know sugar isn’t good for your health, but does simply knowing that fact mean you’ll eliminate all sugar from your diet?
For the majority, the answer is a no. Most times, there has to be a decisive moment, where you decide that you’re going to change your habits and shake off the bad. The same goes for our parenting methods.
You have to make the choice to acknowledge that your child will parent her/his children in the same way you do, if you don’t make the change today. MN2S’ Bear Grylls became the TV sensation he is today as a result of his father’s decisions.
2. Forgive yourself
Children are naturally prone to deviant acts, as a result of not knowing the difference between right and wrong, so often it’s a parent’s job to discipline their child. But discipling would make you ask yourself questions like ‘What kind of mother does that to her child?’ You must forgive yourself, and always see the bigger picture.
Forgiving yourself doesn’t let you off the hook for making the changes; it just lets you see yourself as human. You are repeating what you were ultimately taught. You weren’t provided the tools to respond in a different manner. And if its for your child’s greater good (which it should be), then you’re doing the right thing.
3. Identify your triggers
According to Psych Central, “A trigger is something that sets off a memory tape or flashback transporting the person back to the event of her/his original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. The survivor may begin to avoid situations and stimuli that she/he thinks triggered the flashback.”
One thing I’ve learned so far, being a parent, is your children are the best at hitting your triggers.
It’s your responsibility to know your triggers and respond accordingly when they are hit.
A good way to ensure you’re not as easily triggered is to keep your mind as healthy as possible, in The Healthy Happy Mum Plan, a book by Katie Piper, she discusses the importance of working out as a parent, and what it does for the mind.