No more flowers. They’re expensive and they die and that’s it. All gone. We need the good stuff, for example-
1. A gift card to Target. Obviously. And not like $25, more like $2500.
2. A membership to a wine club. That means wine delivered to us once a month. You would be stupid not to purchase this. And also the box opened and the wine poured as soon as it arrives. Daily.
3. The laundry to be done. All of it. Washed, dried, folded and yep..put away! We don’t care how it’s done- do it yourself, take it to the laundry mat, call in the boys for a little laundry get together, whatever, just get it done! When I pull out my pajama drawer and see all my shirts folded neatly away, I will sing hallelujah.
4. Bath duty. Like legit bath duty. Don’t half ass it. Bath them completely, including a full hair wash. This also includes the toys put back in the basket and the water drained out of the tub. The clothes picked up off the floor and the hair brushed with pajamas on. Oh and the wet towels HUNG THE F UP.
5. The house cleaned with out having to ask 58 times. Just keep it clean. Pick up your mess. Simple. Do it for us please. PLEEEEEAAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CLEAN UP YOUR MESS, and everyone else’s for a change.
6. A night out. With friends or you. Whichever. Arrange the babysitter, plan the nights festivities and whisk us away on a night of freedom. And wine.
7. Prepare grocery list, buy items on grocery list, put items away, cook items on grocery list. – for 2 weeks. Again we deserve this!
8. A day at the spa, I’m talking the whole kit and Caboodle. Massage, pedicure, manicure, mud bath, face mask, relaxing hammock swinging suana room with cucumbers on eyelids. But honestly a quality pedicure will suffice.
9. Car detail. Our cars are filled with juice, chicken nuggets, gold fish, gummy worms, shopkins, crayons, legos and baby dolls. And that’s just under one car seat. Surprise us with a sparkly clean car. With a febreeze car scent.
10. Actually you know what, let’s be real. We don’t actually want to “mom” at all that day. Like none. We want all the things listed above and just not have any mom duties at all. Just one full day of COMPLETE momless duties filled with rest, relaxation and you know stuff that dad’s do. JK. (Kinda)
Cheers to all you moms out there! Young and old! You are the queens of the universe and the rulers of the world.
“Here’s to strong women, may we know them, may we be them, may we raise them”