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From HIB to PMPL: A list of abbreviations moms should use when they text

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LOL, TTYL, BRB, BTW a nd LMAO have become staples of the textual language of this century. Even my 70-year-old mother is guilty of sending a LMFAO once in a while. Hell, I even say IDK instead of the words I don’t know when I am speaking. These acronyms are catchy and convenient, right? Everyone knows them, everyone uses them and anyone who is anyone can everyone can successfully translate the typical texting shorthand into good old fashioned, plain English. LOL has even been added into the Oxford Dictionary, which kind of makes me SMH.

I am starting to think it is time for me to get honest with my texting shorthand. I am a Generation X mother and my world is just a tad bit different than that of the millennials, who so conveniently remind me that YOLO. So, I introduce you to my new and improved, more honest and realistic version of texting abbreviations for moms like me:

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PMPL: Peeing My Pants Laughing

We are moms. Dare I say older moms? Urine leakage is a real thing. Something or many things about pregnancy, childbirth and c-sections changes our bladders and urethras for life. If I am laughing out loud, chances are I am also peeing my pants a little, too. So no more LOL, moms. Go right for the PMPL. Lol is for the 20-something who still have bladder control and probably wear thongs, PMPL is for us moms and our boy-shorts. Lord knows by body can’t handle any ROFL. I will stay right here on the couch, giggle a little, and hope the leakage is kept to a bare minimum. Please don’t be too funny without notice. I like to pee before I LOL.

HIB: Hiding in Bathroom

Yea, I do this daily. My kids must wonder if I have some sort of bowel disorder; it amazes me that they have not caught on to my lowly tactics of falsifying my bowel movements in an effort to get some alone time, but until they do, I am not stopping. When my friend texts me what are you doing, a simple HIB tells her everything she needs to know. I will HIB for as long as needed until I regroup, find what is left of my patience and prepare for the chaos of the children again.

HBILA: Hi Boss, I’m Late Again

No explanation needed. We are moms. Getting the family out of the door on time with everything that is needed for school, work, sports, you name it, on any given day is not an easy task. Meltdowns occur, lunchboxes get forgotten, cars run out of gas, and sometimes mom is simply HIB catching a breather so she doesn’t huff and puff and blow the kids down. It happens. Let your boss in on your textual language so she knows this one means it has been a rough morning and you will get to work as soon as humanly possible. But, let’s face it, a lengthy email or phone call will only delay the process longer.

ROE: Running on Empty

This is the code blue text. ROE is sent when you want everyone to leave you the eff alone. Think the end of school vacations and snow days when you have nothing left to give, not even a simple text exchange with your BFF. When a text from your friend comes in: How is your day going? You simply respond: ROE. Translation? You could blow at any second. You are sick of people needing you, asking you, talking to you, jumping on you, so please whoever you are on the other end of the text, just stop! This mom is ROE. She is not equipped to be socializing or communicating with anyone. TAT, friend: try again tomorrow, friend.

KDMC: Kids Driving Me Crazy

Self-explanatory. This can be used in conjunction with ROE, but the KDMC is more frequently used in daily texting. Once your mom friend reads this, she gets you. She has been there, she knows the drill and if you are lucky, she may show up in ten minutes with a bottle of wine.

There you have it. Mexting: Mom-texting. Let’s get honest with our abbreviations and show the world that Moms text, too. I leak urine with pride and I hide in that bathroom to remain sane. TBH, about 95% of the time I type LOL, it is a blatant lie. I usually am NOT laughing out loud. Sorry, not sorry. No need to send me a TY, it is all good. YW. TTYL.

This article was originally published on That's Inappropriate.

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