Are you choosing your kids over your partner? The truth is, you probably are. Please skip this post if that is not true. Still reading? Thought so...
Once you become a mom, you start choosing your children over that person you decided to raise your children with. Doesn't make much sense when you really think about it. I get it though because I too have been there. Although 6 years ago I promised myself I will not be that woman, who lets her husband sit on the back burner all by himself, I became one.
As soon as that baby comes, all we can think of is our cracked nipples and diaper blowouts. It's all so new, exciting and scary - we don't have the time or the energy to cater to our partner! As soon as the novelty of baby goes away, terrible twos hit us in the face and now we are even busier, as we have to deal with the never-ending toddler tantrums and negotiate the "no's". Ever heard a saying - "The bigger the kids, the bigger the problems"? Well, it's kinda true... You might even decide you want more of those little shits running around, which usually happens when they are on their best behavior and for a brief second you think your child is actually sweet.
Then THAT day comes and your partner tells you that he or she is not happy with this arrangement. And you are like "What?! Where did that come from?!"
Those little suckers really do suck out everything you got, yes, your boobs including. And as a full-time working mom, I lack the time too. But wait, no time for the love of my love? No time for the person I chose and promised to spend the rest of my life with? Seems to me like we might have a priorities issue here.
So let me break it down to you, as much as you try for your kids, you have to try for your relationship. That's if you want a real partner on your side, not just a blah relationship where your partner drags along, just because he or she feels they have to. Kids will also benefit from seeing parents do things together and interact in a positive way. Have conversations, cook together or simply hug each other, take the time. Not only this will set a good example of what to look for in a marriage when they grow up, it will also make them feel safe.
I put a stop on the guilt I feel every time I leave my kids with a babysitter to go out on a date with my husband. Take the time to do what you used to before you got married! Read books together before you go to sleep and share your discoveries, shower together. That doesn't cost money and you have to shower anyway, right? Take the time.
You know what's a scary thought? Your kids will leave you one day. No matter how much you love them, how many diapers you change, how many times you wipe their nose, or how many times you kiss their boo-boos. They WILL leave you. It's inevitable. Good news is, if you invest in your relationship and work for it, it will pay off and maybe you won't have to spend the rest of your life alone and miserable.