How long has it been since you kissed your husband on the lips?
Just last night? Well, good for you.
Did he kiss you back? Yes, I know that his lips met yours, but did he really kiss you back?
If your answer is yes, well then “way to go” to you both. You are apparently more in love than the rest of us in this world.
I’m just sassing you a bit; but the truth is, I am happy for you if that is the case. And, if you are one of the lucky ones that actually still gets a “hi, hello” from Mr. Tounge when you and your spouse smooch, well, you must be getting a lot of your relationship “right”.
So, does that mean that the rest of us that give and get cheek kisses are doomed? Are we doing something wrong? Should we be fearful that our relationship isn’t all that it could be?
NO, and in fact, say “hell no”.
Absolutely nothing about a kiss on the cheek should make you feel slighted.
Feel slighted if you are being ignored.
Feel slighted if you are being underappreciated.
Feel slighted if you are not being heard.
Feel slighted if you are constantly criticized.
Feel slighted if you are taken for granted.
And, you are more than welcome to feel slighted if you never get kissed at all.
But, a kiss on the cheek — one or many — they are important, meaningful, and they matter; to both the giver and the receiver.
A kiss on the cheek says “I see you and you matter”.
A kiss on the cheek says “I care for you enough to put in effort”.
A kiss on the cheek says “Our love has evolved passed hot and heavy to something more authentic and sustainable”.
A kiss on the cheek says “You’re my best friend and always will be”.
A kiss on the cheek says “I will always give you affection, even on the days I am exhausted”.
In high-school, getting a kiss on the cheek meant that the boy didn’t like you enough to kiss you on the lips.
A kiss on the cheek was second-place and being on the receiving end of one was an embarrassment.
Who wants to be kissed the same way that their parents kiss them? Surely not the 17-year-old, boy-crazy teenage girl.
But for now, for me, that’s exactly how I want to be kissed; maybe not all of the time, but appreciating that simple and thoughtful sign of affection is something I truly do.
These days, after almost ten years of marriage and three kids later, a kiss on the cheek from my spouse says:
“Hi Honey. I know you think I don’t see you some days, but I do. I see you, and you are looking more beautiful than ever. I know we are both exhausted, emotionally depleted, and touched-out by the munchkins, but I love you and I always will.”