I remember the day you were born with a lump in my throat. The tears well up in my eyes immediately when I recall walking down that dark, dreary hallway on the way to Labor & Delivery. I was 28 weeks pregnant, just a week into my maternity wardrobe, and feeling well, except for an intensifying headache and some blurry vision I had been experiencing that day. I remember the nurse telling me that I would be going in for a emergency C-section immediately, informing me that I was experiencing severe pre-eclampsia. And I can still regress back to that moment, the indescribable shock and sadness that hit me. I feared for your life, my sweet girl. I thought I would lose you, on the day you were born. But I had just bought you your first outfit, a floral dress with a lace trimmed bonnet. You were already too real, too much a part of my present and my future. With one shot of steroids to prepare your lungs, I was lead into the ER and given a spinal tap. I remember the relief that I felt hearing you cry, before even seeing your face. You were alive.. That's all that mattered at the moment, I consoled myself, as I lay on the table shivering. I took one quick look at you before you were taken away from me. It took 12 hours before I was able to see you again - a tiny doll with translucent skin and dark hair inside a plastic box. The first song that came to my head was John Legend's All of Me. I began singing it to you, my head against your isolette, tears streaming down my face. I never thought good things could come from blessings so small. The next three months were a blur of hopelessness and hopefulness, beeps and alarms, tubes and transfusions. I stayed strong for you, trying to be the mommy you deserved, while inside I was a mess of emotions.

It's been 1282 days since you were born, and I am grateful for every second of them. Every now and then, I catch myself admiring your long curls, the sound of your voice, your perseverance and determination when putting together a puzzle, the way you turn up your mouth when I don't give in to your chocolate cravings, and I remind myself how blessed I am. You are the reason why I believe in miracles.