I never imagined I’d be a single mom. Especially at 40! The life I had always envisioned is no longer a possibility and I have accepted that. I have also come to terms with the fact, I am the parent who will spend most of their time with the kids.
Not because the other person doesn’t want to be involved in our children’s lives, but it is a bit more challenging being that we live half an hour apart and his job is an hour in the opposite direction. Regardless of the situation, we are now thrown into, my boys (ages 14 and 12 years-old) need to know they have a parent who is trying like crazy, to be everything they need.
But what if I didn’t have what it takes to raise two boys the right way? I didn’t want to fail my sons. They needed someone who could provide a nurturing environment for them to thrive in. I want to believe I could take two awkward teenagers and help them become successful young adults. At least, that's the plan.
Sure, I have a good parenting track record with my firstborn. My daughter, now 21, turned out to be a remarkable young woman who is doing quite well for herself. But then, she also had a little bit more of an advantage over her brothers. There were multiple parents guiding her through the choppy waters of her adolescent life.
My son's do not have the same accommodations my daughter previously had growing up. What they do have is one full-time parent and the other one willing to jump in at a moment’s notice. So why couldn't I just shake off that nagging feeling I might not be enough?
The answer was simple.
I doubted myself as a person because of all the shortcomings I had the moment my marriage came to an end. It made perfect sense why I would drag those feeling of inadequacy into every relationship I had with family members, friends and now my kids.
I was entirely focused on not being enough to even realize that I already was. My kids are very happy. They always want to spend their free time with me and we had an amazing bond that I will forever be grateful for.
In the end, it all came down to changing my perspective on the situation I'm currently in.
If you continue to live with constant doubt about your parenting skills, you will always believe you are not enough for your children. What they need is a confident parent. One who knows they are trying their hardest to raise them in the most loving way.
I know it’s easier said than done. I’m sure I’ll fall right back into the guilt trap of whether my lack of parenting is sufficient. And that’s okay. If it’s only momentarily. I just need to remember to focus on my small family and in no time, all that self-doubt will quickly fade away.
Don’t forget to give yourself a pat on the back every now and then! You’re rocking the single parent status like a pro. Own up to it and know that you are enough for your children.