I may or may not have been the lady in the very back row of the sanctuary at church today wiping away her tears with Paw Patrol panties.
I knew even before I stepped foot in church this morning that I would be emotional. It's been a rough week. Specifically, in parenting my Sadie.
She's beyond defiant. She ignores me. I can look her straight in the eyes and ask her to do (or not do) something and she doesn't even react. She is rude and I hate to say it, but she's annoying too. And if she doesn't get her way she just loses it. I mean, on the floor, kicking and screaming and crying losing it.
I, in return, often lose it too. She's acted this way for far too long. This morning at breakfast I reached my breaking point with her. I seriously lost it. In public. And I immediately regretted it. Her sweet face filled with tears and my heart broke into a million pieces.
I apologized, we left for church and that was that.
My husband and I had just settled down into our seats in the sanctuary when our number (the kid's pickup ID number) was displayed on the big screen. I knew it was Sadie.
She was throwing a fit over a bracelet. The one that she just got and didn't have on her wrist. My 4.5 year old was throwing a big enough fit over a bracelet that we had to be called away from worship to tend to her.
I gave her the bracelet that was thankfully in my purse. She has settled down some, but her big blue eyes were still filled with tears. I couldn't help but think that there was just something else going on. So, I asked if she wanted to sit with us today instead of staying in her classroom. She said, "No, Mommy, I just really want a hug." My eyes filled with tears, I hugged her, and she stayed with Jase and Henley.
Matt and I made her way back to the sanctuary and sat though an amazing sermon this morning (more on that later). I cried the entire time. I cried for me, and for my family, and for my Sadie Bug. I cried so much in fact, that I needed a tissue. And for the first time ever, I think, I didn't have one in my purse and there wasn't a box of them anywhere close.
So, I used what I found, Henley's pair of (clean) Paw Patrol panties that I carry around just in case of accidents. If that doesn't scream "MOM" then I don't know what does.
God works in mysterious and often funny ways, doesn't he?! The very thing that I was in tears over this morning (motherhood/parenting) is what helped me though this morning's service.
I left that sanctuary, with a happy and open heart, like I almost always do. And when I picked up Sadie, I again apologized.
She is just 4 years old. A little girl with BIG feelings that she often doesn't know how to control. And I have punished her for that. But no more. I have to work on myself and control my feelings to teach her what is right and what is wrong. This is on me, not her. It's my burden to carry until it is no longer.
My Sadie Bug is a special girl. So different from who I was as a little girl. And I appreciate that so so much. How boring our lives would be without our outgoing, eccentric, non-stop talking, inquisitive, dancing queen?!
So, the next time you're a church and see someone wiping away tears with something other than a tissue or handkerchief, she's probably a mother. And choosing those panties to wipe away tears...and stress...was a better option than 132 crayons or goldfish crumbs in the bottom of her purse.
My words of wisdom...give her a hug. She needs it.