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Challenge: Romance After Kids

Stop looking for your soulmate and start looking for your soul

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February. The month of love.

Has our society become love obsessed or is it just human nature to desire to pair off two-by-two?


I am a woman who has dated since she was 15, had boyfriends, had her heart broken too many times to count, got married, had children and then became a widow. Wow. Sometimes I wonder how my heart still beats with all of those cracks. I am standing on the outside of it all now and I think we all need to stop. Stop and think about finding our souls and not our mates. I'm not saying that no one should be out there hoping. Hoping for love. Hoping for a friendship with someone who loves the same things as they do, who they can laugh with, who they can share joy with and feel safe with. I spent so many years of my life looking for my other half that I completely missed the point. I completely forgot I should have been looking for me but no one ever told me that.


People tell little kids, "Do you have a boyfriend?" In middle school we are made fun of if none of the boys like us, and in high school all of our friends start going steady. Really? All those years and all those hours spent chasing after another human when we could be learning about ourselves. Society tell college kids to go out there and find themselves and then movies portray college kids partying, getting drunk and sleeping around. Seriously? This is how you find your soul? I don't believe that this is the way it is supposed to be. This is not the way it was hundreds of years ago.


Quit asking young people when they're going to get married. Maybe they don't want to get married. Maybe they don't know if they want to get married. Stop asking anyone at all when they are going to get married or when they are going to find a relationship. Maybe they are perfectly content being single. Maybe they would like to find someone to share their life with but it isn't an obsession to them. Maybe they are just leaving it up to the universe.

So back to the point. Let's guide our children to their internal beings. Let's not wait to read self-development books and dive into our spirituality until we are adults. Teach your children that they are whole all on their own. Let them know every day that they are amazing creatures with a soul that needs self-love.

So right now in my personal life? I am loving me. I am following my own soul's whispering. I am healing my grief and my old emotional scars from my adolescence. I do not need a guy to make me feel worthy. I already feel worthy. I am completely complete......just me. My life is filled with love from so many people and animals. My life is full and wonderful and complete. And if some amazing guy shows up at the grocery store one day and starts talking to me about things I'm into? Well that would be fantastic but I'm not sitting around crying and wishing it to happen. I am just going to live my life and be I am going to fully and completely love myself. Something I didn't do my entire life until now. It took my husband dying for me to take a good, hard look in the mirror and ask myself what do I really want from my life? It took my husband dying for me to listen to my soul. It had always been whispering out to me but I was never listening. I covered up the sound with my insecurities. I hear it loud and clear now.

Why do I think so many marriages don't work out? Why so many people are miserable? Why so many people "these days" get divorced? Because they didn't take the time before they got into that marriage to love themselves, to find their path, to know what true self-love is. So then they attract someone who isn't the exact fit for them. Or they get married and years later they find their self-love and they just aren't going to take someone degrading them and putting out their dreams anymore because in life we have to put ourselves first......just a little bit. If you don't love yourself, if you aren't joyful, if you are not excited about the path you are can you fully and completely love and care for another person?


So this month? Are you single? Look within. Care for yourself. Take yourself out for coffee and on a big hike in nature. Buy yourself some flowers at the farmers market and meditate to clear your mind every day. Follow the things that excite you whether that's cooking, writing, hiking, traveling, yoga or whatever else makes your soul light up. Take a class. Take a hike. Go to coffee with girlfriends who like to talk about things besides kids and guys. Put down the wine and pick up a book.

And if that new guy shows up in the grocery store line and asks for your number? If he seems dreamy and out-of-this-world? Give him the digits. And if he never calls? It won't matter because your life is full and beautiful the way it already is. And if he does call? Pick up the phone if your soul whispers.....go for it.

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