I am a neonatal nurse practitioner. I have worked in NICUs for the past 12 years caring for critically ill newborns. Most stories I carry are extremely rewarding; a small percentage are not. That is why in January of 2015, my world was rocked when I gave birth to twin daughters at 25 weeks, 15 weeks (or 4 months shy) of a normal due date. I had had a completely normal pregnancy up until the night they delivered. I was actually at work when I noticed something was wrong; it was my coworkers who saved my children's lives that night and who cared for them throughout their entire NICU stay. For me that was extremely comforting. For them, I am sure it was stressful, though they handled it with amazing grace.

The fear and anxiety were debilitating. For years, I had been the one to tell parents that their child was fighting an uphill battle but that we would do everything in our power to help them heal. Now I was on the receiving end of those reassurances, and there were many times where I felt like I was grasping at straws to hold onto hope or something good.

My daughters were in the NICU for 100 days and were discharged 3 days before their due date. This experience, while it is something I NEVER care to repeat, has made me such a better clinician. When parents accuse me of not understanding what they are going through...of the fear and frustration of the unknown, I can now honestly say that I do understand. The fear is overwhelming. The constant ups and downs will make you sick to your stomach. But there is hope. And this is something you can never let go of or forget.