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If Santa Were Real...

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I LOVE Thanksgiving. By far my favoritest holiday ever. My mom’s Thanksgiving meal is the best you will ever taste. I assure you of that. It is a low pressure, no gifts needed day that incorporates three of the best things life has to offer: family, food and football. Thanksgiving is most definitely the best of all the 365 days! The only thing I don’t like about Thanksgiving is when the clock strikes midnight. The Christmas Anxiety starts long before the 3rd Thursday in November, but Black Friday kicks that anxiety right into high gear every damn year.

Christmas. Ugh… That is all I can even say right now. Sure, I could go into more details, but doing so will surely cause an immediate spike in my already high anxiety. Christmas anxiety is real. Any parent who is lacking in the whole savings-account-department can relate. The money in the bank doesn't meet the expectations that young ones have of the magical and powerful bearded man known as Santa. Yes, the true spirit of Christmas has nothing at all to do with presents, but come on, when the kids believe, the pressure is on for those of us who play the role of the Jolly 'Ole Guy.

I so badly want Santa to be real. More so now than when I was a child. I daydream about what life would be like if he were indeed alive and well working in his cottage full of elves and toys. Not only would the pressure be off of me to perform as if I were St. Nick, but I may also wake up to a few surprises under the tree for myself.

If Santa were real, I would love this time of year and have a giddy feeling of excitement and magic and I would feel like a kid in a candy store. If Santa were real, Christmas anxiety would’t be. A single mom can dream, can't she? Well, I do. I dream of a world of magic and real Santa, where money woes don't keep me up every night from Thanksgiving through Christmas. If Santa were, indeed real, this is what I would be looking forward to waiting under my tree on 12.25.18. Without a doubt, I have been good this year. I have been freaking flawless..Santa, please deliver, in no order of preference:

A full tank or two of oil

C’mon, really? Who actually has money to pay for a tank of oil 3 or 4 times a winter? Not this Grinch. I would love to know that I had an unlimited supply of oil to keep us warm this winter. No phone calls to State Line Oil, not checking the little tank line in the basement while wondering if the shower may turn cold unexpectedly. Oil, please, Santa and lots of it.

A Starbucks Gift Card

No explanation needed. But… here it is: I take the kids 2 times a week to Starbucks. It works with our schedule in the morning after I drop Molly and before I drop Emmet and Nora at school. We have coffee, cake pops (yes, in the morning, don’t hate the player) and really, amazing conversation because all of us are at our best at 7:30 a.m. apparently. We set goals for the day, do our homework (yes, in the morning) and we bond at $13 a visit.

Toilet Paper

Anyone who knows me well, knows I DESPISE buying toilet paper. I dream of a basement full of rolls and rolls of toilet paper, from you, Mr. Clause. I like soft and thick. However, my toilets clog easily, so go for a happy-medium, thin, 2-ply, please and thank you.

A Massage

My body hurts and no, it isn't from things like running or aggressive housecleaning. My body hurts because I am old and exhausted. I often say out loud, I need a balk-walker, and wait for one of my kids to volunteer to lightly step on my back to help ease the tension. Its a poor woman's massage and it does work to relax the back.But I sure do daydream about the real thing every now and then. In my pretend world where Santa is real, he leaves me presents and then delivers a fantastic massage himself. Ahhhhhhhh...


These are my realistic Christmas wishes. I feel like I should add to the list, and write something inspirational and non-material, like world-peace, gratitude, or happiness for my loved ones. Of course, I want those things, too. But Santa can’t deliver what can only be found within.

What's on your list?

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