There are many things I’ve learned in my 50-plus years of life. Some of these things were learned early on, and have stuck with me: a pan that’s been in the oven is hot, you should always shuffle-walk on ice, and choosing to be kind rarely comes back to haunt you.

One of the most important things I learned, however, came later in life and at quite a cost. I learned it the hard way, and I’ve decided to share my story with others in the hopes that I can help someone, anyone, avoid the tough times my kids and I have gone through.

I was a stay-at-home mom, and I ended up divorced. Sure, there were lots of things this taught me: things aren’t always as they seem, for one. But the most important thing I learned from all of it was this:

Always have a backup plan.

I know it sounds pessimistic. I know it sounds ominous. Believe me, if someone had sat me down all those years ago and said, “Jenny, congrats on deciding to be a stay-at-home mom. That’s great! But you gotta know this: you’re going to need a way to support yourself and your four kids in a few years. Just a heads up,” I probably would have laughed. My marriage was fine. I was happy. We were living the dream, with four healthy kids and a house in the suburbs. What could go wrong?

Oh honey. Let me tell you.

Before I get into the grisly details, please know this: I’m not going to bash stay-at-home moms. I’m not going to bash marriage or husbands. I know that what other women choose to do with their lives is absolutely none of my business. I’m simply telling my story. Take it as a cautionary tale, take it as a humorous read while you sip your morning coffee, take it any way you want. My only goal here is to let you know what I learned, and if that helps just one person, it will have been worth it.

I was a junior in college when I dropped out to pursue a career as a flight attendant. I grew up poor, and had an insatiable urge to travel. At the time, it seemed that flying the friendly skies was a win-win: I’d actually get paid to see the world! For a while, it was a win. I did see the world, and I did get paid, a little. After about a year, I discovered that I missed my life at home and that being trapped in a metal tube with cranky people while also being 30,000 feet in the air wasn’t as glamorous as I’d hoped it would be.

And so I slipped into a retail job back home. The thought of perhaps going back to school and getting my degree was pushed to the back burner while living life happened up front. I met a nice man, we got pregnant and then got married and then had a few more kids. At some point, we made the decision that I would stay home with the kids while my husband went out to slay dragons in the corporate world. This worked out well for us. Right up until the day he told me he was leaving.

There I was, 40 years old, with four kids, a huge mortgage and 13 blank years on my resume. The kids were with me full time (this was, like, the whole stay-at-home thing, a mutual decision) and for a while, I was receiving a generous amount of child support and alimony. That’s when things took a turn for the worse.

The alimony and the child support stopped. I won’t go too into how or why, as that’s a different story for a different time, but it stopped and I found myself struggling to support myself, and my four kids.

It was, without a doubt, the scariest time of my life. I patched together a few part-time jobs, but despite my best efforts I lost the house. I ended up having to file bankruptcy as well. Sometimes we have to do hard things in order to move onward and upward.

There were moments I didn’t think I’d make it. My kids were still hurting from the divorce, my heart was still healing and obstacles kept popping up out of nowhere. Some days it took every ounce of whatever strength I could muster just to get out of bed.

I had to use the food bank for a while. I leaned on my family and my friends for help. Our Christmases and birthdays paled in comparison to years prior, but eventually things improved.

I got a full-time job at the elementary school my kids attended. It provided benefits, peace of mind and although I’m not raking in millions, I am getting by. The kids are growing up and are wonderful human beings who make me proud.

Life is too short for regrets, so while I won’t say that there is anything I’d undo about the past several years, there is one thing that I know would have helped make our journey a bit easier.

A backup plan.

A Plan B, or C, or D, whatever you want to call it, having one would have meant less heartache, less struggling and less financial ruin.

Staying at home with my kids was, and always will be, one of the best things I’ve done with my life. I will never wish those years away. But what I do wish was that I had had something to fall back on. Just in case.

This is what I tell my daughter, when we talk about the path she’s on. You see, she has three years of college under her belt and took some time off to figure things out, decide where she wants to go in life. I am torn between letting her go and wanting to grab her, sit her down and tell her that while I love and support her, I want her to be OK. I don’t want her to end up like I did.

It’s not all about college. It’s not that magical degree. Sure, having a four-year degree (or more!) is wonderful and highly advisable in today’s world, but there are so many options. A marketable skill, whether it’s office management or welding or knowing how to cut hair, can make the difference between picking out cans of soup at a food bank and being able to buy groceries.

Women reach out to me, almost every day. They share their stories with me and I am honored to listen to them. So many of them have the same one to tell: they put their trust, their very lives into someone’s hands and things didn’t work out. It’s a heartbreakingly common occurrence, and also one that is highly preventable.

So this is what I tell my daughter:

Whatever you choose to do with your life, I hope that you do so wisely. Keeping an eye on the future doesn’t mean you don’t love or trust the person you’re with. It means you love and trust yourself enough to prepare for the rainy days.

Because girl ... rain happens.