Meeting new people can be difficult, even more so when you are divorced and you have children. This is why there are a lot of single parents who remain single, with little time to date and the fear that their children will simply not accept their new partner. However this doesn’t mean that you should stay single for the sake of your little one’s approval, and in fact finding a new companion can really help you with your family life; which in the long-term will benefit your children. The key is to make sure you can introduce that partner to your children and slowly get them to accept him or her as a new member of the family.

A slow and progressive approach. It will take time for your children to accept someone new, so the first thing you will want to do is not to force that person upon the rest of your family in a short amount of time. Instead keep things gradual, and this can be applied to how you date. Take your time and get to know that person better before you decide you can trust them enough to meet for that first date. This might sound logical but there is more than just your feelings at stake there, so it is the case of quality over quantity. They say ‘less is more’, and this can definitely be said about looking for that partner that is best suited to you and your family. Overtime once you meet someone nice who understands you and your family’s needs, then you can take the risk and eventually introduce them to your children.

No substitute. There is no point in introducing that new partner as ‘the new Dad or the new Mum’ to your children, as in their eyes no one will ever be able to replace that fatherly or motherly figure. However it is important that you let your children know in advance if you plan to bring your new partner to live with you. The key again is to use a progressive approach. Get your children to meet your partner for the first time in a casual manner, then have that new partner coming with you when you are having recreational and fun family times. If your children can start having fun with your new partner, then they are more likely to accept them into their lives without forcing the idea that they are here to replace their Dad or Mum.

Displays of affection in the early stages. Kissing your new partner and hugging them every minute might put your kids off at first and it might be difficult for them to accept the concept of it all. This doesn’t mean that you cannot kiss your new partner in front of them, but you should use tact and be delicate about how you do it. Your kids will want to know that you still have respect for your ex, and they might be a bit shocked if they see you with someone too soon after your divorce. Also, it is a good way to show them that they are still your number one priority as you are willing to compromise and put them first. Plus kids tend to find adults kissing to be a fairly disgusting thing, so spare them the sights.

A partner close to your age. This one really depends on how old you and your children are. Let’s say you are in your 50’s and your children are in their late teens / even early twenties. In that case, finding a partner that is younger than you and too close to the age of your children might make for very awkward dynamics. It is best in that situation that you use mature dating instead of meeting with younger people. That way you can find someone not only close to your age, but also someone who can understand you better because of their maturity. On the other side if you are still younger and your children are still young, then a younger partner won’t be such an issue. You just need to make sure they are mature enough to deal with your family, which some young people are still very capable of doing. Overall, having a partner your age will simply be less confusing for your children. Too old and it will feel like grandad or grandma; too young and it will feel like a cousin, a brother or sister.

A lie is a lie. If you are kissing your new partner but you tell your kids he or she is just a friend, they are going to know something is a bit off. Even if your children are young and don’t understand everything about dating, their instincts still count for a lot and they will see through lies. This is why you’re better off showing restraint with signs of affection until you are ready to tell your kids that you and your new partner are now a couple. If you are lying to your kids because of your new partner, they will hold it against them; and against you. You don’t owe your kids to tell them everything, but lying to them is not showing a good example; and it is also confusing for them. The best thing you can do is to take your time, do things progressively and tell your children bit by bit so they can accept and digest all that information as they go along. After all you have to start somewhere, and you will be happy and relieved you told the truth at the right time.

Give yourself some time. If you are always busy trying to juggle your love life, your work live and your children; you’re going to get stressed out pretty quickly. This in turns can have a negative effect on your relationship with your kids. You’re more likely to snap and shout at them because you’re so busy trying to make it all work. Maybe consider day care, it might sound like you are giving away your children but it’s only for a bit. The truth is that if you don’t get a bit of ‘me-time’; things probably won’t work out. You might even end up resenting your children, blaming them as the reason why you cannot find a new partner. Send your children to day care, take a break for the afternoon. It might be hard on your children but they will also benefit from it as they get to make new friends and have fun with other kids.

Long-term vs short-term. Things will be difficult on the short term. From playing it slowly to striving for your children’s acceptance of your new partner, it will be a bumpy road ahead. But you have to look further down the line: having a partner so that your children may have two parents rather than one will be hugely beneficial to everyone in the long run. This can be seen like a goal to achieve, and it is worth every bit of hardship you might endure in the process of getting that family together. It is great that your children can rely and trust someone else than you, it will surely benefit their upbringing. But it is also great for you and your partner: no longer will you be alone and you will be able to share your happiness with another adult who can fulfil your needs that your children cannot. So that’s the key right there: focus on the long-term benefits and the end game; because it is truly worth it for the sake of you and your family’s happiness.