My husband and I were married last year. We don't have children yet, but we plan to start trying at the end of this year.
It's scary- isn't it? Thinking about merging your lives to create a tiny miracle of life? Merging two identities to raise this limitless being?
On paper, we look good. We have the house. The finances in order. The good physical health. The career path (we're both therapists!). But, kids remain a largely unknown variable, this strange and unforeseeable question mark hovering in our (hopefully near) future. On paper, I know children can be a hot, scribbled mess.
And, see, I was fortunate. I have a really good mother. As in, if I could be even a quarter of the mother she is, I'd be extremely proud of myself. She set the standards for parenting high, but she also role-modeled unconditional love, compassion, and kindness.
So, what are my parenting resolutions this year?
My resolution is to take care of myself. Really, really take care of myself physically and mentally. While nothing in this universe is guaranteed, I believe that gives me the best frame for having a successful, healthy pregnancy. It's cliched, but I believe that I owe it to my future child to eat and exercise well, to minimize stress and anxiety, to stay present and grateful.
My resolution is to be patient with the process, even if it's scary or stressful or frustrating, which I anticipate, at times, it will be. I want to be open to the emotions that preparing to be a parent will bring. To be open to ask for help and receive it if needed.
My resolution is to stay connected with my husband, as he will be the amazing father of my children, and there are fewer things in life that make me happier than thinking about that. We will laugh together, and I will fall asleep after him, and he will wake me up with coffee, and each day, we will grow from each other.
My resolution is to avoid over-analyzing and overthinking, to avoid assuming all parenting can be taught in the confines of a textbook. I'm a therapist, and I know that the best education isn't read about- it's felt through our hearts and souls and spirits.
It will be an experience, an experience like nothing else I have ever encountered, and it's an adventure, not a planned itinerary.
I resolve to open my arms to this process, to being a mother, to becoming someone that a little someone can count on.