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Challenge: Parenting Resolutions

4 New Year's Resolutions For The Parent Whose Marriage Is Coming To An End

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If your 2017 ended with the knowledge that your marriage is ending, you may have understandably had a little less pep in your step while everyone else was popping corks and making resolutions.

However, rather than taking this as a time to be down in the dumps, it's time to recreate yourself in 2018 and figure out who you are as a person, and how you want to move forward.

While undergoing this healing and transformative period, be sure that you also solidify bonds with your child and work with their mother or father to figure out parenting strategies as you move toward divorce.

The following strategies will bring peace and stability to everyone involved, while helping you decide how you want to live the rest of your lives.

Let's begin.

1. Open The Floor For Open Conversation With The Other Parent

The biggest mistake you can make when divorcing is leaving things unsaid.

In fact, poor communication is at the root cause of 65% of divorces.

First things first, talk everything out with your spouse to see to it that divorce is what you both actually want. You'd be surprised what a heart to heart can do to unearth hurts and resentment that never got expressed.

You owe it to each other and your child to make be certain in whatever decision that you make. Couples counseling can help with this, and should be explored before bringing the court system into your relationship.

After opening the floor to air out your grievances, make sure to close the door on the marriage if you both decide that divorce is best. This way, you won't play the back and forth game that leaves everyone confused -- your child included.

When you have come to grips with the fact that you want a divorce, shift your conversations to parenting strategies.

Come up with agreements on custody, how you will handle schooling, parental philosophies and more.

Never assume.

The more deliberate and concrete the two of you are with these conversations, the better it will be for each other and your child.

2. Shield Your Child From Taking On Any Of The Burden

The cleaner and more business-like you are with the divorce, the easier it'll be to protect your child.

When you let emotions get out of hand, this is when your child begins to overhear arguments, or worse, feel the need to choose sides.

You need to make it clear with each other that this is 100 percent about your relationship with each other, and that your child is not at fault and not obligated to carry any of the load.

Getting professional divorce mediation can help with this.

A mediator can help the two of you have civil conversations about how to divorce, in an office setting, so that you're not bringing any of these spats home. You'll be pleased to know that getting mediation can save you some money as well.

According to Forbes, a divorce can cost as much as $30,000, so you stand to save a lot in the process.

Aside from your divorce process, make sure that the two of you are constantly having open conversations with your child to see how they are mentally processing these changes. Give your child the openness to express any feelings, and don't try to steer them or judge those feelings in any way.

Your child deserves the freedom to come to these understandings on their own time and in their own way. Talk to your spouse and resolve to keep your child out of the details of the divorce, aside from those they need to know about. A messy custody battle can leave scars on your child that take years to heal.

When you're deliberate about shielding your child from this pain, it'll be a team effort that pays off in the long run.

3. Be Deliberate About Establishing Traditions And New Norms

Make a new year's resolution to give your kid the childhood that they deserve, despite the fact that you're getting divorced.

You don't need to shortchange them just because your marriage is ending.

In fact, if you and the other parent establish this intent from the beginning, you can double down on creating moments that your child will remember forever.

For instance, they can get double the Christmas presents and multiple birthday celebrations. Or, you can combine forces to make sure every celebration is as good as it can be.

Make sure to put all competitiveness and ego aside, as you set up traditions that your child will remember forever.

Psychological studies show that kids who have a great relationship with each parent prior to the divorce are better able to cope. Establish these roots by making teamwork and pouring love and growth into your child the top priority.

4. Constantly Better Yourself

Finally, take some you time!

Divorce is quite possibly the hardest thing you'll ever go through, particularly if kids are involved.

It's natural to feel a self-esteem hit or to feel that you failed, but make sure that you don't stay in that dark place.

Make 2018 a year of growth and adventure, starting with figuring out who you want to be and what makes you happy. Take care of your health by eating right and exercising, and stock up on great literature that pushes you and expands your perceptions.

When you make these four divorce resolutions your prime focus, you'll improve yourself as a parent in 2018, while healing from this difficult setback.

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